...my journey

.....i come from the land of the rising sun..the moment i gain my consciousness.. i found myself together with my kind.. however.. it seems like i'm the only special one that have a conscious of my own.. 

..sitting on the shelf for as long as i can remember.. until one day.. she came. she look around.. carefully selecting my kind.. and until she saw me.. i thought.. like every other days.. people would just ignore me... but to my surprise.. i was taken down from the shelf...

i was bought.

..wrapped in plastic.. i couldn't see the outside world.. i know i was going on a long journey.. to an unknown destination.. few days later.. i was unwrapped. i found myself far, far away from my homeland.. 

Singapore.

she took me out.. took a few pictures.. and post it to the internet... i was wrapped back again... i have a hunch.. that i'll be going on a long journey again.. for a month or so.. i was stuck inside this wrappings... later.. i was sent off.. this time... alone.

.............

weeks later.. i was unwrapped.. i'm in Malaysia.
finally some air..

huh..? ..a guy? ...my new owner..? ...like the last owner.. he took a few pictures of me.. and post it to the net.. 

however.. this time i know... just a temporary owner.. ..i remained with him for a few months... spending my days inside a box.. seems like he don't want me to get dusty.. 

..finally, the awaited day arrived. 

.It was a cold evening.. he took me out... saying goodbye.. and..

..saying hi to my new owner.

"Happy Birthday"

-extracted from rilakkuma's diary- 

last day~

time to leave~ mixed feelings.. but i wont regret about leaving here..
thank you for this past 1 year.. with the experience i've gained.. i'm gonna go on exploring this world~

p/s: need to remember to clear all my stuffs in office pc lol

. . . . . . . . .

..continuous 5 days intensive revision class is TIRING~!! ..mock exam on the last day.. but i think i flunk it.

..hopefully i'm gonna do better in the real exam.. another 5 days revision class coming at the end of the month.. and most of all.. cant wait for jogoya this coming thursday~

..mood is falling down down down~ ♩

..i'm lost..?

..i'm still intact right?

..i'm not dreaming right?

..i still need to move on.. right?

..always trying to go beyond what i'm able now.. is good right?

..so i still remember my resolution, right?

..need to keep remind myself..

"梦想不是用来当目标，而是用来实现"

. . . . . .

...craving for more foods to be snap by my cam~~

~November~

..one and a half month left, schedule getting tighter..
..need more effort for coming exam on december..

..10days of revision class for 2 subjects..

..leaving this firm mid November..

..squall coming around mid of this month too, gonna be a group gathering..

..and gonna say goodbye to rilakkuma...

我还是我

..无论再辛苦,还有音乐陪着我..
我理想没有变.. 因为我还是我..
我有我自己的梦,自己会走.. ..就算在寂寞..
请原谅我的冲动.. 我会好好过..
我不怕暴雨狂风,将我淹没..
毅然往前走..
就算旅途在癫颇,我不能回头..

(黄明志-我还是我)


~祝大家中秋节快乐~

如果...

因为了解而分开..那..不了解就不能分吗？

rants

...made up my mind.. 

..1 year.. 

...only need 1 year.. 

...put in more effort..

..dun waste any more time..

..i've wasted 1 year..

..it's enough..

..move on..

i'll finish ACCA exam by 2011 

---------------

..sometimes i dont know how..
..the only thing i can do.. ..is to stay by your side listening to your rants..
..i can understand your feelings.. it's really painful..
..i wanted  to tell you.. ..that i saw him just now.. ..finish typing the short message.. ready to be sent to you... ..but stopped..
..i don't know if i should tell you or not.. but afraid that  you might be hurt again.. ..in the end i just deleted everything..

..i feel like i'm in a mess now...
..hoping that someone that love me will leave me.. ..so i won't get into a triangle relationship..
..keep dreaming that i will pass all the exams.. but in reality i'm not putting any real effort into it..
..wanna change job.. ..but seems like lady luck isn't with me..
..i'm really a terrible guy..

轻轻的为你唱首歌.. 几十年的歌..

靠在你的背后..

紧紧握着你的右手..

慢慢的教你写首诗..

要你记着我的事..

当你孤孤单单的时候..

我要继续为你唱出这首歌..

more rants..

...maybe.. i wont go thinking bout her again.. will let fate decide.. but that doesn't mean i wont care bout her.. everyone's important to me..
..sometimes.. she will be asking bout me n her.. she cares.. doesn't she? ..till now i still don't know what she feels.. the only thing i know.. if i take that path.. i'll be just hurting both side.. it's unfair..
i don't want her to experienced the same thing again..

...i wanted to leave everything unto Your hand.. but.. guiding me with Your light is enough for me..

~rants~

...thinking back..
...i realised she did ask if i noe how to read the contents...
..not paying attention to her cuz too happy..
...flipping the first page..
..was kinda surprised..
..and..
...confused at the same time..

....at times.. i really wanted to know.. what she feels bout me... but at the same time.. i was afraid of the answer she might give..

.....it's just too hard to choose..

~past notes~

...actually.. really looking forward to every monday.. it's suppose to be monday blues.. but somehow.. feel like its the only time to accompany her.. sometimes.. feel i'm kinda worthless.. wanted to tell her.. but bounded by current situation.. i just couldn't bring myself to do so.. and sometimes.. i could just feel that she's trying to avoid me.. i started to think this and that whenever she didn't reply.. maybe she's busy.. or my message doesn't required to be replied.. if she's really avoiding me.. i think i understand the reasons.. but.. still feeling uncomfortable.. but no matter what.. i'm not going to ask her bout this..
..and when she started to reply me.. everything just go *poof*~ ...the cycle start from the beginning again....
~
..i'm scared.. really wish the time could just stop.. so everything would just stay as it is...
~
...thinking bout the other day.. was preparing for my dinner.. slicing carrot.. suddenly image of mum came through my mind.. tears drop unexpectedly.. argh crap.. even thinking bout it now just make my eyes watery.. hold.. hold.... i'm in the office~

-early posts-

urgh.. suddenly awake..
..looking at my hp.. 6.30am..
..lay back..
..close my eyes..
..things came to my mind..

..wanted to see you..

..thinking and wondering..
..unable to decide..
..one step will change everything..
..it's just too hurt to take that one step..
..tossing around for half hour..

..just couldn't sleep..

-------------------------------

hmm.. was working and fishing in the office yesterday.. and suddenly...

choco banana cake 

banana split

..from ning. Holy crap~  i wanna have this soooo much~!! argh~!! 

~rants from past few days~

...handphone cant setup email function... kinda sux....cant activate mobile blogging..
..in the end.. i squeeze everything inside the notes.. oh well..

Some pic from yesterday...

pearl milk tea at i dont know where..

Sushi zanmai at 1U..

..at 1U also..

seafood at TTDI..

Fish head mee hoon at Damansara Uptown..

~everything from past few days~
..was thinking about finishing ACCA in 1 year.. really curious about it.. wad happen if i finally cross the bridge.. ..something big waiting for me? or izit a better treatment..?
-----
..walk her back home.. don't know why.. feel kinda awkward when alone with her.. can feel something weird bout her.. don't know if is because of that certain event.. not dare to ask.. dun wan to initiate any move that might cause misunderstanding.. probably just shy.. or tired..

...or maybe i just think too much..

心理不平衡

..totally. I really cant accept it. As far as i know.. i'm one of the two ex-classmates that have been left trailing behind... all the others already have their salary increasing over the 2k border.. damn.. it's really time.. really useless staying there any longer.. the speed of growth is just too slow.. extremely slow.. i've been sweet talked by my boss.. i really shouldn't easily trust any boss..
...really..
..a very..
..very..
..deep impact..
..on me..

totally pissed with myself. i cant even sleep properly. 

...it's been a while...

it's been a while since i seriously think about my future...

there's so much that i wanted to achieve..

but it seems that everything is out of reach now...

wanting to give up..

but these thoughts keep pouring into my mind..

i need to start making decision before it become too late..

but even though i'm thinking such way..

i know that i'm running away from everything that come to me..

sometimes it's just too hard to know which path is correct and which is not..

and worst of all..

both path will appear to be correct.. 

in the end i will be postponing it again..

hoping that it will solve by itself as time pass by..

sometimes.. this might be the right decision..

but, not always, such way will be the most preferable path..

-----------------------------------------------

..at times, i was wondering if i'm really fated to be alone..

i have friends.. but not the types that are  always around me..

everyone are separated everywhere around this country..

i have a girl that love me so much..

but ironically..

i was trying my very best wanting her to forget about me..

fearing of the unseeable future...

even though i love her..

i have someone else in my heart.. but she too included..

wanting the two of them..

this isn't a good idea..

i'm glad that i told myself and set an iron rule..

never ever step into two relationships at a same time..

it hurts..

..a lot..

...really.

i'm lost.

-uneasiness-

..honestly..
..my heart beat skipped for a second when i saw your message..
..everything came pouring into my mind..
..he might wanna get back together with you again,,
..but whatever you decide,, i will respect it..
..i feel relieved...
..on that moment..
..when knowing that you wont looked back ever..
..after being hurt so deep..

~boring week~

~Seaweed Noodles~
Location: Taman Tun Dr Ismail (TTDI)
Shop name: i dont know~
...actually, i'm not the one having this lol~ thanks to lovely scsz for this pic
-----------------------
hmm.. it's been kinda bored for this week.. no happenings..
...still trying the art of the secret.. kinda useful~ keeping myself emotionally happy throughout the week, expecting something interesting to happen~
...failed to study during the weekdays.. will fully use this weekends for k-ing my book
-----------------------
ASGF 2010 coming up this June..  this year wont have the chance to join them in training due to P2 exam..  (ASGF 2010: Asiasoft Game Festival 2010)
-----------------------
...been thinking a lot lately.. really gonna give up this current relationship.. if this continues on.. it will just be a waste of time.. but.. gonna give myself sometime again to consider.. gonna tell her before she leave for SG..

-the secret-

Finally get my hand on the Secret..

i've got my list down.. i know.. i believe.. cuz i experienced it.. din realized it.. only until now..

the secret

-the difference-

i'm helping..
only when they ask..
cause they've been helping me also..
but..
you are helping..
as if it's your problem..
even though it isn't..
helping others to the extend that you can't even help yourself..
and you expect the one you help WILL surely repay back..
this world isn't fair..

what right do you have about commenting my action?
Don't say that i never tell you about this.

if..

if someone you like..
knows that you like him/her..
and knows that you have a bf/gf..
that someone also knows that..
you want to end the relationship..

if that someone met with your bf/gf now..
what would that someone feels?

..seems like..

even though i told myself..

i realise.. if everything turns wrong..

i'm the one that have to be blame..

dang it... 

juz realize i'm the one having the most pressure..

if i don't play my cards correctly..

it will end up both side being hurt..